"It'll get better"

I took my kids and Joe to see Lisa on Saturday. She was having a really rough day. She is so sleepy, so lethargic. I tried, really hard not to cry...but I woke up crying and it just wouldn't leave me. I am taking this so much harder than I want to. I want to be strong, I want to be hard core, I want to not hurt. But I am none of that. I want it to be a bad dream. But it isn't. Lisa was supposed to be recuperating at my house and she was intending to go home to her apt on Memorial Day. That will not happen. I am trying really hard to understand, but I can't. It hurts.

I was in the room with her yesterday, just the two of us. I was standing right in front of her so she would not fall forward. I was eye level with her and looked straight into her open eye and said "Lisa, I am so sad" as I started to cry. She had her left arm around me and pulled me closer to hug me and she consoled me and said in the most gentle and reassuring voice, "I know, it'll get better" and I told her I love her.

Yes, I know. I know it will get better, it has to...I know she will walk again, in time. I know she will be strong, and I know she is teaching me...she is teaching me to be strong. I have promised myself that I will not cry in front of her again. She does not need someone, her sister, to feel sorry for her, or for myself. She needs me to encourage and to be there for her, like when we were kids...to hug her for every accomplishment, no matter how small it is. She needs someone who will love her for who she is today, not for what she was last week. She needs me to forgive myself...and I do too.