Processing

Ok, I am home now and am able to process better what the day was like with Lisa.
I will elaborate what I wrote earlier today, and my conversations with Lisa. She is funny. She is mouthy with me with an attitude to boot! Just the way she says things, makes the nurses and therapists laugh out loud.

This morning was hard, hard for me to see. I tried not to cry, but it didn't work. I am sad, so sad to see her so lifeless. I keep thinking that she should be at my house, recovering, getting ready for the weekend and her going back to work in a week or so...but that is not the way it is. She was so tired, and so lathargic. Her right arm is paralyzed, she says she can't feel my touch and then other times she can. She cannot squeeze my hand and she cannot move her arm. It is puffy and swollen from not moving it. The OT came in 2 times to work with her, but she was too sleepy. The PT came in and made her try to move her legs, and her arms, she is very weak. I helped with therapy, encouraged her way more than the PT did, but I knew how much it was helping after I practically did cartwheels! not really. But I was able to touch and encourage with rubs and lots of praise. She had a couple of "mmm's" in there, meaning "I'm doing good!" She worked sooo hard and had so little accomplished, but it was huge. I'll take it!

I went out of the room for a bite to eat and came back to Lisa getting frustrated and yelling, yes, yelling at the nurse for asking the same questions over and over. The nurse had her move her hand and she didn't want to, the nurse was too sweet and was trying not to make her mad. Lisa finally said, "you're hurting me too much and I'M NOT GONNA DO IT!" Seriously, she was mad and that was the end of it, she was done. Ignored both me and the nurse. The nurse kinda laughed, but was kinda hurt by it. She walked away and I stood there and had a talk with Lisa telling her that she needs to listen to the nurses, and answer their silly questions in a nice way so she can get out of there. I also let her know that she needs to eat alot more than she has been so she can get stay strong and get out of here. She said she would.

She made the nurses laugh with her opinions and the way she talks to me. I once found that annoying, but now I find it amusing and I am grateful for it. Dr Ergene came in and told me that he thinks she will come out of it in a few weeks! REALLY??? I hope so, but I am skeptical...stay positive right? I asked about the MRI and was shown the pictures of it...very interesting. It was explained to me that the dark spots are the blood and the big dark spot is where they took out the seizure activity. There is a tiny circle as big as a pea that is on her brain that caused her stroke. It is in a very important part of her brain.  Anyway, it is visible and they believe that she will have 90% recovery. She needs to go to a rehab floor in BroMenn and stay there until she is able to function on her own. They have every confidence in the world that she will be independent again. I was glad I was there, because they made me believe it too. It just does not seem like it right now, today...because I see how hard it is for her to hold her head up.

Lisa was very sleepy but posed  for this picture

What started out as a really rough day for me and for Lisa I think, got better as the day progressed.
Karen and I made the decision to tell Lisa that our step brother, Russ died (the day of Lisa's stroke). I waited til Dad got there and then told Lisa.
K "Lisa, I have some bad news to tell you"
L "What Karla"
K "it is sad news Lisa"
L  "what?" alittle irritated
K "remember when Russ was in the hospital and he was sick?"
L "yes"
K "well, he died" I waited
L "that's too bad"
K "I know, and tomorrow is the funeral, so we will tape it for you so you can watch it"
L "that would be good. thank you"
K "sure!"
About 20 seconds passed and she says to me...
"I hope that doesn't happen to me" she said it kind of sad, kind of asking me...
I looked at her and said, "oh honey, that is not going to happen to you, you are strong and you are going to get better...you need to listen to the therapists and the nurses...You will need to work really, really hard to be able to get back to your apartment and you will need to do the same things you did when when you first learned gymnastics, remember how you had to do things over and over?"
L "Yes, I do"
K " You will have to work super hard and not get mad at people if you can't do something, do you understand?"
L"yes"
K" We won't let you give up Lisa, and we are going to help you...all of us"
L "Ok"

I had tears in my eyes as I was telling her this, she knows, and she understands. She will work hard. And she will succeed. She is Lisa.