Denial

Today, actually, yesterday, started out pretty normal. I went to see Lisa around lunch time, Sydney came with. We had a package for Lisa from Aunt Vera. Lisa was so excited and it was so cute to see the expression on her face as she was opening the package. It was a fun pink flamingo sitting on a swing holding some cards. Lisa thought it was crazy. When it hangs, he swings. Very fun.

Lisa remembered that it was her Olive Garden annual picnic today. She got tears in her eyes and put her hand over her face to try to stop them. It is the first time I have seen her cry because she hurts emotionally in a very long time, years I would say. I told her I was so sorry and hugged her. No consolation was going to help today. She is frustrated, bored out of her mind and she hurts from not being out and about. It made me tear up as well. I feel her pain. I can't imagine what she is going through. I just know that she is just like anyone else and that she wants to be better. In a separate incident, after lunch, she told me that she wishes that she "could do this by myself" (go to the bathroom). I just tell her that she will, and she is getting better everyday. She listens, but doesn't believe me. I think that she really is getting better, but she is getting down on herself. The cards are getting fewer and the visits from others have been fewer too. I feel so sad for her.

I get back to the store and Karen is on the phone. The place that we thought Lisa would go to for Rehabilitation denied her. We don't fully know why. Lisa is young and Developmentally Delayed...and had a stroke. Those first two combinations are the two strikes against her, against us. She gets out on Friday...we have 2 days to figure this out. Those of you who know us, know we are trying to get ready for the HUGE sale for the store coming next week. The timing is off, well, the timing is never right when something of this nature happens. I just don't understand. But this is what God has planned for us. I just can't help but think that none of this would have happened if we didn't make the decision to go for the surgery...but we were helping her, we honestly wanted her to have no more seizures, that is what she wanted. This is so "damn" hard. That little D word was in honor of Lisa:) She would have said that too:))

Karen and Dad called about 10 different nursing homes while trying to run the store. Denial was pretty much the word of the day. Have you ever had the feeling that people are denying you, because of something that you can't help, or didn't do? There is no description for that feeling except for hurtfulness. We don't get it...we just love Lisa, and want [her to go] somewhere who wants to help her.

Today, Karen and I will visit the nursing home that said yes. We had 2 that said yes, but only one that is recommended. Maybe that is where God wanted her all along. It is hard to tell right now. We are overwhelmed with everything. Life. Sale. and getting Lisa better. Lisa deserves that. She is still up there on the priority list, God is making sure she is number one. Next to Him.